More Graduate School Humor

Here's some more graduate school humor. This one didn't really resonate with me, but I suppose it could closer to June or July.

This one, on the other hand, was pretty funny. Here are some of my highlights.

1.Being a grad student is twice the work of being an undergrad and only half of the fun. No, I’m just kidding — it’s none of the fun.

I call shenanigans. My first four months as a postgraduate have been the time of my life.

2.I hope you like reading. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha! Excuse me while I jump out of a high window with the five weighty text books I’ve been assigned this semester strapped to my torso.

Amen. A thousand times, amen. See here, here, and here.

3.You have no idea where anything on your campus is except the two or three buildings you have class in.

Yup, pretty much!

NO 5.You’re also expected to refrain from drinking Sunday through Wednesday — including day drinking. Seriously.

Negative, Ghostrider, the pattern is full. I, for one, am learning to love plenty of different kinds of whisky.

7.Believe it or not, you actually have high expectations for the rigor and quality of your classes. Having a half-witted, drooling simpleton for a teacher has lost a bit of its luster, even if they are an easy grader. You find yourself wondering, “What did I get from this class? Was it really worth my time?”

This has emphatically not been my experience. My instructors have been brilliant.

HAHA 8.You have absolutely no school spirit. You’re pretty sure your school’s colors are a light color and a dark color, but you can’t remember which ones. You also think your school’s mascot is a half-man, half-goat with black eyes that tells you to burn things, but, then again, you haven’t slept for days because you have five finals next week. Maybe you should go take a nap or something.

I guess our mascot's a bull or something? Angus the Bull? Whatever.

11.There’s one student that everyone in your program hates and loves to gossip about. Since graduate school usually means taking a lot of classes with the same people, this is a nice way to give everyone something to talk about. You hear things like: “God, did you see that skirt she wore yesterday? This is grad school, not a frat party!” and “If she raises her hand one more time, I’m gonna throw my desk at her. Like, the entire desk.”

No comment.

16.Your daily planner looks less like the responsibilities of one person and more like the projected plans of a small government or Fortune 500 company.

In all fairness, this isn't anything new for me.

19.You’ve done some truly inspired doodling, including that sketch of an urbane giraffe wearing a three-piece suit that you swear was a work of art but you’re pretty sure you accidentally threw out.

I wound up getting a notebook this semester that's got gridlines instead of unlined pages. Thus far I've designed a submarine, a subterranean ballistic missile silo, and I'm working on the structure for a website and archive that I hope to get online in 2014 or thereabouts. I also hope to get my dream house designed. Should only take a couple or three lectures.

20.You’ve developed incredible arcane, esoteric knowledge that is only useful in a professional/academic capacity. You overhear people at social gatherings talking about “last night’s game” or The Avengers, and you interject with observations about the complex nature of post-colonial economics or the sculptures of the Byzantine Empire. People look at you funny and slowly slink away, avoiding eye contact.

Strategic deterrence, arms control, David Galula, the Clausewitzian Trinity... Yeah, I totally get this one.

23.You’ve made a few really good friends. But, you’ve also met a lot of people that are really more acquaintances than friends. I mean, they’re cool and all, but they’re not going on your MySpace Top 8 or anything.

In my experience, that's just life. That said, it does make you appreciate your fellow strategists.

24.You realize that you squandered a lot of opportunities as an undergrad.

Yup. I should have studied harder, and I'm making up for that this time around. I learned a lot from the years between finishing my bachelor's degree, and starting my master's degree. Time management and prioritization top the list, and they're helping me to accomplish great things here in Scotland.

I wonder if there's another list for folks returning to the workforce after spending a year and a half being awesome? I'll have to look for that one when I need a break from writing a fantastic dissertation.